RENO911!: Untitled Story A
by Tharpdevenport
Summary: Since there is no section for Reno911! I have posted it here. R rating for language. IF you don't know what I am talking about, it is the Comedy Central TV show.
1. Default Chapter

Reno 911!  
  
Written by: Justin Boggan on September 27, 2003  
  
We see an inside view at a angle from the passenger side mounted camera. Dangle is driving.  
"Okay, what we got here is one of those pickup/ SUVs you see on TV. You know? The ones that change? I have been following this vehicle for a few minutes. A couple blocks back I saw it not come to a complete stop at a stop sign. It's also swerved over the linesss . I'm gonna go ahead and pull him over.  
  
- Next scene he is about at the driver's door of the stopped vehicle. -  
  
"Good morning. Can I see your license and registration please?"  
  
Next scene. Dangle is looking at his license and the bottom left of the screen reads:  
  
Lt. J Dangle  
Man With One OF Those TV Cars  
10:04 a.m.  
  
The man is standing close to him.  
"Do you know why I pulled you over sir?"  
"Ah . no."  
"A few blocks back I caught you . is that one of those, like, morphing  
trucks?"  
"Ah, yeah."  
"It's so cool. It's like a Transformer."  
  
(Insert Reno911! Theme here) 


	2. Reno911 2A

Trudy is leaving her cruiser on the curb and heading for a rundown, white trash small house with dead grass, things strewn about and a car on cinderblocks with no front tires.  
A Slightly over weight man in loose fitting blue jeans and an old white sleeveless long neck stained shirt is pacing around. He is noticeably anxious.  
  
Bottom left of the screen reads: Domestic Disturbance 10:33 a.m.  
  
"I'm tired of this shit."  
"Sir?"  
"I'm tired of it! He's a shithead!"  
"Just calm down and please stop with the potty mouth."  
Close up of the guy's face from the shoulders up reveals he has  
bruises and a little blood coming from his nose.  
"Sorry, sorry . but he's a shithead!" and throws his arms up.  
"Now, if you can just clam down, take a little time out and tell me  
just what is going on."  
"Well."  
Just then the screen door swings open and out runs another man with a  
baseball bat.  
Trudy throws her forearms up and dashes off exclaiming, "Shit!" 


	3. Reno911 3A

We can see the same inside view angle as Dangle has. Garcia and Jones are on patrol. Jones is driving. They are not speaking.  
"I." says Garcia.  
"No."  
"Come on!"  
"No talking."  
"Jonsey, you know it was only a harmless joke."  
"You made a joke about a black kid stealing someone's bike."  
He turns his head and looks at Garcia pissed through his sunglasses.  
Garcia yells, "Whoa! Slow down, slow down," he points, "Stop!"  
Jones slams on the breaks and Garcia jolts forward. Smoke comes off the tires.  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
"You told me to stop."  
"Well yeah! But not slam my head into the freakin' windshield! Jesus." "Then why are we stopped?" Garcia steps out. Jones joins him. Jones looks up to where Garcia is again pointing. There is a man atop a telephone pole. Jones shades his eyes with his left hand from the direct sunlight. Garcia puts his hands on hi hips. Jones speaks, "Now how'd he get up there?" 


	4. Reno 4A

Dangle and the suited Lawyer just finish changing the back of the SUV to a pickup.  
  
"Well that was fun. You have a real neat vehicle sir. I swear, it's like a Transformer. I used to collect Transformers. Optimousprime, Megatron."  
"Transformers?"  
"You don't know what Transformers are? It's a cartoon series. That's like . not knowing He-Man."  
"I think I saw that the other day."  
"Really? I didn't know they still showed it."  
"It was on Saturday."  
Oh! I mean the original series back from 84'. Not that piece of shit remake on Cartoon Network."  
"He-Man, or Transformers?"  
"Both." 


	5. Section 5

Deputy C. Johnson  
  
Safety Hazard  
1:35 p.m.  
  
She flashes her lights and let's off a brief sound off of her cruiser's siren.  
"The reason why I am stopping is that it is Nevada Law for kids to wear helmets. A lot of parents just don't care and let them go out riding and act all surprised when the kid gets a concussion, when it should have really been them as well," she gets out of her unit and walks over to a little seven year old boy on a bicycle. He is wearing an "Eminem" T-shirt and has short blondish-brown cruise cut style hair. He also has on baggy faded blue jeans.  
"Hi there. I'm Deputy Johnson with the Reno Sheriff's Department. What's your name?"  
"Johnson? Johnson's a boys name."  
She is squatting on her haunches. She looks at him for a few seconds.  
"Girls can have boy's names. I knew a boy named Kelly."  
"Only butch girls. Boys named Kelly are pussys."  
She gets up and looks into the camera. 


	6. Section6

The fat man and the taller man that was holding the baseball bat are fighting.  
Trudy unbuttons her gun holster and pulls out her sidearm.  
"Shit! Shit! I don't remember how to disengage the safety thingy. Shit."  
The taller guy punches the fat guy and he falls to the ground. The tall guy bends over and picks up the baseball bat. He gets ready to swing it.  
"Shit! Whoa! Whoa!" she points the still safety enabled gun at the guy, "Freeze! Don't you dare swing that bat! I'll shoot! I mean it! I will!"  
He drops the bat. The fat guy gets back up.  
"That's him officer. That's the shithead. Arrest him and take his sorry ass back to jail." Said Fat man.  
"He's the shit head!"  
"No, you are!"  
"Stop it! You're both shitheads! Just why are you so angry at each other?"  
The fat guy responds, "Ryan heres wife left him six months ago and he asked me whether, or not he could stay here and I said sure. Why not? A fellow friend in need."  
"That correct sir?" asks Trudy.  
"I reckon."  
"Anyway, I asked him for rent. I only asked him for three things: Rent money, clean up after himself and no alcohol. He lost his job when he got caught drinking on the job, so he'd come home drunk and didn't have the rent money. I was real angry and we had a fight about it, but again I turned the other cheek and let him stay. Then his car broke down. He put it on cinder blocks and left it there."  
"I ran out of money."  
"And now I got the city telling me that I have to move it, or junk it since it's been sitting there for over three months and all he does is sits around getting drunk!"  
"I was going to fix it, but he stole my money!"  
"You stole his money? How much?" asks Trudy.  
"About sixty bucks," Ryan answers her.  
"Well, he wasn't helping out on the rent, so the electricity, water, all are higher when he's here, so I took some to compensate."  
"You stole it!" yells Ryan.  
  
- Ryan shoves the fat guy. -  
  
"Hey now! Come on! You two were best friends. Don't you think you could still get along?"  
"Maybe," says Ryan.  
"I don't know." replies the fat guy.  
"Lets just be calm and talk this out and stop trying to bash each other's skulls in." 


	7. section 7

Deputy T. Junior  
  
Officer Locked Out OF His Unit  
10:30 a.m.  
  
Junior stands with his hands on his hips next to his locked cruiser. A handcuffed suspect is standing against the car next to him. -  
  
"What? What the hell you looking at? You think this is funny? Well,  
let's see how funny it is when you get ass raped by a big guy named  
"Tiny"."  
  
He pulls out a cellular phone and dials 411.  
  
"Yeah, can you give me the number to the nearest Locksmith please?"  
  
He steps to the side.  
  
"Can you? I'd really appreciate that. I'll hold," the phone rings and moves it down to talk to the camera, "the operator is dialing the number and transferring me to it. Yeah, is this Goldsmith Lock and Key? This is Deputy Junior with the Reno Sheriff's Department. I've seemed to lock myself out of my cruiser. Is there any chance . ah huh? I'm in the Sears parking lot. About how much is this gonna cost me? 40 dollars? Yeah . yeah . tell you what, I'll give you a call back. Okay? Thanks very much."  
He pockets the phone. He places his hands on the car window. Some people walk by and look at him.  
"What are you folks looking at? Just go about your business. There's nothing to see here. Just go on." 


	8. section8

"I guess I was awful harsh," says the fat man.  
"I should have respected your wishes. Frank, I am sorry. I love you man."  
"I love you too!" replies Frank.  
They both hug and pat each other on the back.  
"I'll go clean up and go out there to find me a job tomorrow."  
"I'll give you back the 60 dollars, so you can go around."  
"Awww, see? That wasn't so bad. You guys think you're going to be okay now?"  
"Just fine officer," says Ryan.  
"Yeah," Frank also responds.  
"All right. Well, you two gentlemen have a great day."  
She walks away. As she opens her door she looks at the camera and says, "You see that? I make over ten bucks an hour and I haven't even done a thing," and smiles wickedly. 


	9. Reno 9

"I guess I was awful harsh."  
  
"I should have respected your wishes. Frank I am sorry. I love you man," says Ryan.  
  
"I love you too!"  
  
They both huge and pat each other on the back.  
  
"I'll go clean up and go out there to find me a job tomorrow."  
  
"I'll give you back the 60 dollars, so you can go around."  
  
"Awww, see? That wasn't so bad. You guys think you're going to be okay now?" says Trudy.  
  
"Just fine officer," says Ryan.  
  
"Yeah," says Frank.  
  
"All right. Well, you two gentelmen have a great day."  
  
Trudy walks away. As she opens her door she looks at the camera and says, "You see that? I make over nine dollars an hour. And I haven't even done a thing ... not a damn thing," and smiles. 


	10. Reno 10

"Sir! Sir! Why don't you just come down from there? Sheriff's Department!" yells Jones.  
  
"Why don't you just bite me. Go away!" yells the man from atop the phone poll.  
  
"Now sir, you know we can't go away!" Jones yells back.  
  
"That's not a bad idea," comments Garcia.  
  
"What?" he looks over.  
  
"Let's just leave. If he falls down he's only gonna blame us. If he's stupid enough to climb his sorry ass up there, maybe he deserves to die."  
  
"I am going to pretend you didn't just say that. The man is a living being. One of god's creatures," says Jones.  
  
"One of god's stupid creatures," Garcia comments back.  
  
Jones looks at him pissed again.  
  
A few minutes later. There is a crowd now and both Garcia and Jones are just standing there.  
  
"Maybe one of us should try to get him," says Jones.  
  
"Are you crazy? I'm not going up there. Those are live power lines."  
  
"Live?" asks Jones.  
  
"Hell yeah. How do you think people get power?"  
  
They bothj look at each other, then the crowd.  
  
"Okay! We're gonna need everyone to stand back. Stand back please!" yells Jones. 


	11. Reno 11

Johnson stares down at the kid. He looks at her smugly.  
  
"Young man, do you know it's against the law for children under the age of 12 to ride a bicycle with out proper safety gear?"  
  
"Did you know it's a crime to be so ugly?"  
  
"I am not ugly! I'll have you know many men have found me attractive."  
  
"So, not only are you ass faced ugly, but you're alos a fat whore?" says the wretched little kid.  
  
"You know what? You're gonna come with me and find your parents."  
  
"Why don't you bite me shit eater?" and he kicks her in one of her knees. She grabs her knee and kneels down.  
  
"That's it! You've had it you little dick!"  
  
"Fuck off bitch," and he takes off on his bike. He peddles incredably fast.  
  
She gets up and staggers after him.  
  
"Come back here you little bastard!!!" 


	12. Reno 12

"Well, I wrote down all your information here and was going to give you a ticket, but I don't think we need to do that. Not stopping completely at a Stop Sign? What is that? I do it all the time. So ... I got it all ... even your phone number..." Dangle trails off.  
  
"Yeah, you do. So if you wanna call sometimes..." says the man.  
  
"Yeah! Sure, I will..." he runs his hands on the inner part of the pick up, "boy - that is some smooth surface. What is that? Rhino Linning?"  
  
"Yeah, it isw."  
  
"Gosh, this must be a two foot drop here. Deep and wide. A couple people could fit nice and snugly in there," says Dangle. they both look at each other. 


	13. Reno 13

Jones and Garcia watch as the news sets up and gets ready.  
  
"Shit. Now we can't leave," says Garcia.  
  
"Maybe we should try talking to him."  
  
"Yeah, that's it. Maybe he'll ust respond with the same wits that told him to go climb an electrically humming phone pole."  
  
Jones walks over to his cruiser and opens the door. He reaches in and turns on the unit's external PA system. He takes out with him the handheld corded speaker. He presses the talk button down.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Carcia's voice booms over the system and everyone looks at them. Jones releases the button.  
  
"You are really something Garcia. You know that? The news is over there man. We're gonna be on the news. Might as well play our parts."  
  
"Yeah..." says Garcia.  
  
The cameras finally set up and turn on.  
  
"Okay man. Remember, deep voice and play it up a little. Be a little dramatic," Garcia coatches Jones.  
  
"This is Deputy Jones from the sheriff's Department. We're here to help you, but first I'm going to need to talk to you. So, if you would, just come on down for us."  
  
"AAAGGGHHH!!!!!" the man falls to the ground.  
  
Jones stands there taken aback.  
  
"Shit," says Garcia. 


	14. Reno 14

"Yeah, I'm hot too," Junior responds to the camera man.  
  
"What are we going to do?" the camera guy asks in a low voice.  
  
"I don't know what we are going to - hey! Turn back around and face the vehicle!" he yells to the suspect. He wipes his face.  
  
"Damnit it's hot out here," he slaps his hands on his sides and finally gets his cell phone. He dials and it picks up, "Dangle? It's TJ. Junior. I seem to have locked myself out of my unit. yeah. Do you have one of those thin metal thingys you slide into the door to unlock it? Sure. I'm in the Sears parking lot. thanks a lot Dangle, I appreciate it," he pockets the phone and turns to the camera, "I jsut called my commander and he's gonna be here in a few minutes to help us out and..."  
  
Suddenly the handcuffed suspect makes a mad dash. Junior takes off after him.  
  
"Shit. Goddmanit, come back here you son of a bitch! Don't you make me runb in this heat! Shit!" 


	15. Reno 15

Dangle's cruiser's dash-mounted camera catches the truck rocking back and forth until his cell phone rings. the truck stops. After a few seconds Dangle's head appears over the tail gate with the cell phone to his ear.  
  
"Yeah? T.J.? Oh, oh yeah. Locked yourself out? Ah ... I think I got one in the back. Can you give me a few minutes? Just, ah, where exactly are you? Well, I'll be there in a bit. Okay. bye."  
  
The lawyer's head appears too.  
  
"Gosh, I am sorry, but duty cals. So, ah, I got you number and I tell you what. I'll call you. So ... I only got a couple minutes ... you wanna ... you know?" 


	16. Reno 16

(Scene to go with the End Credits)  
  
R. Williams pulls up behind Johnson's cruiser and gets out.  
  
"Girl, what happened to you?"  
  
"I just had a run in with little Damion."  
  
"Little Damion? Your knee okay?" asks Williams.  
  
She helps Johnson up. Johnson talks into the camera as she passes it, "I was just accosted by a 7 year old."  
  
---THE END--- 


End file.
